I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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