We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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