oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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