Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
