well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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