theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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