a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
