Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
