You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
