Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
