the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
