I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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