i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i think i just lost a toe
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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