This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
