you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
