who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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