Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
