just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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