Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
