He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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