Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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