He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
