No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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