i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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