Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
