Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just had sex bonerless
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
