when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
