Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
