So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were trust falling into bushes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
