Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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