when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize