Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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