We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
