he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
