Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
