so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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