so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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