Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
