You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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