dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
