at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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