You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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