Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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