is your mom at the bar?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
