im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
