weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
