How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
