SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
