Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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