she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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