i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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