her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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