so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
