Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
