i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone came in the potted fern
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
