this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
