Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
