How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
