I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
