Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
