if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize