he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
