i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
