If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
