I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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