I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
